In the web of the spider pirates

I was sleeping when my lifeboat drifted into a huge spider web, so I awoke to find myself being reeled in towards a great shambling affair of a spaceship, that looked like it had been put together by random acts in a junkyard.  All kinds of old spacecraft dangled in the webbing....aged saucers, finned rockets, lunar modules....what have you.   Reaching the ship, the hatch was popped open by manipulator arms, and I went ahead and walked aboard, not seeing many options at this point.  I was met inside by a man tall spider, like a huge hairy tarantula....he looked like he had been in a fight with a Dollar Store....he was festooned with cheap brightly colored bandannas and scarves, and hung around with gold-colored plastic costume jewelry....he had a dozen fake Rolexes on one arm-like appendage, and of his eight legs, three were peg-legs, each of a different colored nylon.  He was drooling around the mandibles, and he had some kind of chaw in his mouth...he spat once into the brass spitoon on the deck, and the parrot on his shoulder said...."Argh, matey!  Welcome a'bard the "Merry Wider"!  AR-har-har...."  Spiders let the parrots do the talking, while they communicate with some mysterious "spider sense"....Quoth the parrot further..."Ye best foller me arft matey, a for ol' Capn Crunch here takes it inter 'is brain ta par-a-lize-yur now an' et you later.  Come on then!"  I quickly did as the bird said, following him as he flew down a passageway deeper into this shambles of a ship.  I could smell something cooking, and soon enough we were in the galley, where the oldest looking human I had ever seen still moving around under his own power was busy with pots and pans and a big iron grill.  "Arrgh" said the parrot..."I'll lets ya two hue-mans figure out what's next!"  And he flew back the way we had come.  "Morning" says the old man.."They call me Slops, and I'm the cook for the pirate spiders.  They like cooked food, but they don't know how to cook, so that's my job.  How ya' doin'?"  He wiped his hand on a greasy rag, and extended it towards me.  I shook his hand and introduced myself.  "Well then" he says, "I'm doing breakfast prep right now, and maybe you'd like to help?  I can't offer any wages, but working in the galley there's always plenty to eat and drink."   "Sounds like a deal to me." I replied.  "OK, then you can start with those larvae there....slice 'em thin like for frying....length-wise so they end up looking like bacon strips....can ya do that, ya think?"  "Where do you keep the sharp knives? " I asked....